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After
nearly 50 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening,
when the wife felt her husband, begin to massage her in ways he hadn't
in quite some time. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her
neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then
caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping
just over her stomach. He then proceeded to place
his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently
over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her
thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued
in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over
and became silent.
As she had become quite aroused by this
caressing, she asked in a loving voice, ‘Honey that was wonderful. Why
did you stop?' To which he responded: 'I found the remote.'... Repost if
you laughed!!!
An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that
she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes
to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that
the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who
was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!" The girl picks up the
phone and makes a call.
Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front
of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and
impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the of the Ferrari and
enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father,
mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has
informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal
family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide
for your daughter for the rest of her life." "Additionally, if a girl is
born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, a beach house, two retail stores, a
townhouse, a beachfront villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account. If a boy
is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank
account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each.
However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"
At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly
on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You fuck her again."
